Five things I learned about leadership on a Leaders’ Quest

What can you learn from spending five days having conversations with people who are not obviously like you, and who know and do things you may not understand or care about? Quite a lot, as I found out when I went on a leadership journey organized by Leaders’ Quest. I have been home, physically, for two days, but in my mind I am still on the road. I need more time to digest what I saw and heard. Meanwhile, here are five things I learned:

1 How milking with Paul beats sitting with Mary

‘Sitting with Mary’ used to be how one learned to do a job. You sat, you listened, you observed, and you asked questions. And sometimes you got to practice, too. Last week I was given the chance to ‘milk with Paul’. Cows are very large animals, they poo and pee a lot, and they don’t like strangers in their milking parlour. This means you need highly developed skills and awareness to have someone shadow you when you are milking 187 cows in a confined space. Paul, the cowman, who looked after me, demonstrated phenomenal technical, spatial, communication, time and risk management skills. I learned a lot about how to lead from Paul.

2 Collaborative Inquiry not Interrogation

The conversations that worked best for me were the ones where the people we met had questions for us, too. Let me try to explain. If you tell me what you do, and then I tell you what I do, then we both know, what we both know. Whereas, if there is time, and the conditions are right for dialogue, new questions will emerge, and quite possibly we will discover valuable learning points together.  Firing questions at people may result in a diminished learning for all, because the thing you think you need to know, may not be as valuable as the knowledge or experience your interlocutor was going to share with you. If only you had let them.

3 Ditch your titles

We are conditioned to recognize people by their role, and job title. When you meet someone for the first time, hearing a job title may help to understand who you are speaking to: Banker, Consultant, Entrepreneur, Ex-Offender, Husband, Finance Director, Mother, Piano Tuner, Student. Husband, Mother, and Newly Redundant don’t work so well. If you want someone to remember who you are, it is essential to say something about yourself that will help them understand what you do, and, hopefully, arouse their curiousity.

4 Leadership and Learning

‘Leadership and Learning are indispendible to each other’, as John F Kennedy has said. For me, the people we met who were consciously learning from their challenges and opportunities, tended to be the most inspiring leaders. I’m thinking of a manager at a social enterprise who knew everyone by name, a school student in a new Academy, a probation officer who always took the difficult path, a banker who wanted to be a painter, Jimmy Mizen’s family, a piano tuner whose home is London, and who has no home.

5 The Kindness of Strangers

Perfect strangers can be exceptionally kind. Again, and again, we met people doing difficult things, who were patient, open, thoughtful, generous, compassionate, funny, and respectful to us, and to each other. With leaders like these, seizing the opportunity to tell them how great they are at what they do, was a privilege and a pleasure.

The Pixar Pitch and Other Sales Tips from Dan Pink

If you need to brush up your selling and influencing skills, Dan Pink’s new book ‘To Sell is Human’ has some practical suggestions. Though I would not recommend all of them to all of my friends. Because selling is very personal, and you have to be yourself to engage people. As I found out. But I’ll tell you about that later. 

I sold young ladies for a living

Having recently gone freelance, I need to sell myself constantly. I used to make a living out of selling other people. I sold young ladies quite successfully. About one a week, on average. I was a recruitment consultant. Right now, I am trying to sell a new careers development workshop for recent graduates who want to work in sustainability. The drive for a green growth, coupled, sadly, with high youth unemployment, makes me suspect there is a need for a course that will help young people to help themselves find jobs. 

Don't sell what interests you

I’ve got a plan to deliver a course that will be an inspiring and memorable experience. But as Dan Pink says, I need to communicate not what interests me about the course, but what will attract potential participants. Forming a lifelong long network of people who want to work in sustainability is, to me, the key to future happiness and prosperity. Whereas the participants probably just want to know that handing over two hundred pounds will make a difference to their job prospects. What I am thinking about now is the need to have a clear message for potential participants. What is the goal of the course? What will they learn, and how will this help them find a job in sustainability? 

The PIxar Pitch

One of the tools that Dan Pink offers is ‘The Pixar Pitch’. Emma Coats, a former Pixar story artist, has created a six sentence template for an irresistible story: 

‘Once upon a time _____. Every day_____. One day_____. Because of that_____. Because of that_____. Until finally_____.’

And so it happened, that on a Holiday Monday, I tried to use Emma Coats' template to create a pitch for my workshop ‘Pathways to Sustainability Career’.

‘Once upon a time it was difficult to find a job in sustainability. Every day, young people applied for jobs, but it took a lot of time, and some gave up looking because of the rejections and the competition. One day, young people came together to learn more about jobs in sustainability, and what kind of skills and experience are needed. Because of that, young people wrote better applications and felt more energised and supported. Because of that, more young people got jobs in sustainability, and were able to influence change. Until finally, the network became so valuable both personally and professionally, that young people wondered why they had waited so long to get together.’

Questions work better than answers
Another of Dan Pink’s selling tips is that asking questions is a more effective way of engaging people than giving answers. Asking questions makes people think. So what do you think? Does my ‘PIxar PItch’ make you want to come on the course?

Selling is personal: be yourself
One more thing. I promised to tell you about my brush with inauthenticity when selling. I was trying to write a strap line for my website. I was so convinced by Dan Pink of the value of asking questions, that I turned my strapline into a question. I’m too embarrassed to share it with you. I sent my brilliant strap line to a friend who works in communications, and also to my web-designer, who happens to be American. I thought, being American, that she would like Dan Pink’s influencing style. Both my web designer and my friend came back with the same message: ‘Interesting idea! But it’s not you.’ They are, of course, quite right. But do read Dan Pink's book 'To Sell is Human'.

Thanks for reading my blog. If you liked this page, you might like to check out my business website which has more content on leadership and learning.

www.kellowlearning.com

Pathways to a sustainability career

Young people doing it for themselves

I’m collaborating on a leadership development workshop for recent graduates who are looking for their first job in sustainability. It took me twenty years to realise I wanted to work sustainability. Now, twenty years later, I’m piloting a workshop to help recent graduates find a quicker route into a sustainability career.

How a little philosophy can help you work in sustainability

I have a hunch that there are a lot of graduates like me, who took degrees in subjects like Fine Art, Philosophy, and French, and want to work in sustainability. And like me, when I was their age, they don’t know what kind of green jobs there are, where to look for them, or how to get through the recruitment process.

Mid-career, multi-lingual and multi-talented: the new global leaders

What if young people on Facebook knew how to create their own professional networks? What would happen if they used their power to help each other to grow and develop, the same way folks who are on Linkedin do? I was having a coffee with one of my students recently. Julia is mid-career, multi-lingual, and multi-talented. She is part of the Linkedin generation: people who can do business in at least three languages, and are accustomed to changing the company they work for, and the country where they live, about every three years. She met a bunch of guys on a sustainability leadership programme, and they stayed in touch. Why? Well, first of all, they like each other. They have become close friends, and they have fun together. The glue that keeps them together is one part shared values, and two parts a common desire to make a difference to world. They understand the need to live and work more sustainably, and they are excited about the opportunities, locally and globally, to change the way we do things.

Networks are good for individuals and organisations

They also help each other with their careers. The Linkedin generation do business together. The fact that they know each, and trust each other, is making it easier for corporations to talk to corporations. Nadia and her network are working together to measure and reduce corporate carbon footprints, locally and globally. None of this would be happening to the same degree, if Nadia and her friends had not met on a leadership programme, and formed a network that works for them at both a personal and professional level. If all networks worked like this, might we all become better connected, more creative, happy and contented?

Can’t young people get jobs through Facebook?

Why can't the pre-Linkedin generation have the same opportunities to motivate and support each other?  That’s what Facebook is for, I hear you say. Yes, and no. Facebook works very well as a means to share photos and stay connected with friends and family all over the world. It’s good for launching projects, promoting causes. I still think there is a need for something that allows you to do more than ‘Like’ what your friend had for breakfast. And I detect a kind of snobbery about Facebook, which means it may not be the best place to look for a job. Quite the opposite in fact. Employers use Facebook to eliminate job applicants.

The power of collaboration

This is why I am collaborating with friends on a leadership workshop for recent graduates. It’s a collaborative event because I believe it is important to walk the talk. I want to show the participants how a highly motivated team working together can create a transformational learning experience.

We want to share what we have learned from working in different areas of sustainability. We want to showcase different pathways to a sustainability career, and demonstrate how to build a self-sustaining network that will benefit participants, personally and professionally. Above all, we want the participants to leave ‘Pathways to a Sustainability Career’ feeling confident about their choice of career, and with an increased awareness of how to network and support each other in the future.

How to choose a name for your website

Open the champagne. It's a website!

What shall I call it?

No, I have not had a baby. The only thing I am going to give birth to, soon, is a website about me. And I am trying to choose a catchy name for the eponymous website that will tell the world what a wonderful trainer / facilitator / coach I am. You see the problem? I have now used three words to describe myself, and they don’t explain what I do, or why you should read any more about me.

A catchy strapline

My name is OK. There are not too many Edward Kellows in the world competing for the attention of a search engine. What I need is an elegant strapline that will tell people how creative, flexible and fun I am to work with: how I always deliver on outcomes; and how I help people to discover stuff that they never dreamt they could do, and later helped them to transform their company / relationship / life. And, despite, or because of, my success, I am totally authentic and trustworthy, thanks to my deeply held, and hard won personal values. I sound so good, I think I might even hire myself.

What do I do in one sentence?

How do I explain what I do in one sentence? I google a few trainers and coaches I know, and they use words like facilitate, learning, and change. That’s what I do! I facilitate learning and change. So I think I should definitely say ‘facilitate’ because ‘facilitate’ is a verb, and a verb spells action, and what all my potential clients want is someone who can make change happen.

“Words, words, words” Hamlet II.2

But wait a moment. Everyone who works in learning and development facilitates change. I need to tell people what’s special about me. So, I am creative, and I am fun. I give people space to work things out for themselves. And the reason I do that, is I genuinely believe that change only happens when people get comfortable with who they are, rather than trying to be someone else. I learned that from Mr. Beisser on my coaching course, though I think I knew it already. And the reason why I think THAT is important is that I believe change will only be sustainable if people are given a chance to work things out for themselves. When they do that people tend to take more responsibility for their actions, see?

 Edward Kellow: Fifty Shades of Learning (It was late, I was desperate, OK?)

So I invent some straplines that I think explain what I do, while hinting at my creativity, energy and dynamism:

Edward Kellow: making learning happen (dynamic!)

Edward Kellow: making it happen (sexier, but what do I make happen?)

Collaborative Learning: Steps towards sustainable futures (Too much ‘togetherness’?)

Curious Futures: facilitating learning and leadership (hmm, I like this one)

Collaborative Futures: facilitating sustainable futures (This has a ‘does what is says on the tin’ feel)

Edward Kellow: Leaning into learning (oh dear, no).

And I google them, and each and every one is taken by somebody else. Even ‘Curious Futures’, which is the one I like most, because I have done a lot of thinking about the value of curiosity (see my blog!), and I want my strapline to ‘Lean in’ to the future. Finally, when ‘Fifty Shades of Learning’ pops into my head, I give up.

What about “Edward Kellow: facilitating collaborative learning and leadership”?

Maybe it’s not so bad after all.

Becoming a coach: me and Le Bourgeois Gentilhomme

I’ve got a permanent sugar rush of thoughts and feelings about coaching and training. I’m like Monsieur Jourdain in Moliere’s ‘Le Bourgeois Gentilhomme’, who discovered that, all his life, he had been speaking prose without knowing it.

Fifteen months ago, I started a serious executive coaching programme. Two days ago, I attended a final assessment day. Soon I will find out whether or not I have met the standard.

To get to the assessment day, I had to notch up one induction day, four residential training modules, four tutorials, dozens of practice coaching sessions, much reading of coaching texts and articles, four required learning logs, two unplanned blogs, and one theoretical essay. Having gone through all of that, it’s no wonder I am having a rush of thoughts and feelings about learning and coaching. 

What lies beneath my training approach

I’ve made a connection between Gestalt based coaching and my approach to delivering leadership training. Like Monsieur Jourdain, I have discovered that, all my life, I have been using Gestalt methodology to underpin my training courses, without knowing it. 

Instinctively, I design training programmes as participative learning journeys. I encourage learners to:

• listen and observe
• notice what they are thinking and feeling
• gather and make sense of data
• keep an open mind, and
• work together to make sense of challenges and dilemmas.

From a Gestalt coaching perspective, this is about being and learning in the moment, and noticing patterns and connections. It’s about raising awareness of real needs, and mobilising energy towards appropriate action. 

I’m still processing what I have learned. I can’t wait to review my training practice through a Gestalt lens. Meanwhile, here is the 'before' and 'after' of my approach to coaching.

How I coached before the course	How I coach now
Took responsibility for solving the client’s dilemmas and problems	I work in partnership with the client
Analysed what the client was telling me	Observe, reflect, summarise
Tried very hard to be nice	Not afraid to challenge appropriately
Asked lots of unhelpful (dissonant) questions	Comfortable with silence
Talked about my experiences	Appropriately disclose if the client is interested in hearing about my experience
Believed I must have the answers	Not afraid to say ‘I don’t know what to do with this’
Pushed the client into action	Create space for the client to discover what they want to do
Made assumptions about what the client was telling me	Form working hypotheses AND keep an open mind
Thought ahead constantly which affected my ability to be present	Stay fully present with the client
Relied on listening and questioning	Invite the client to experiment Gestalt and Cognitive Behavioural methodologies
Felt awkward contracting and closing	Am more confident when contracting and helping client to identify what they have learned

It’s been quite a journey. I really must apologise to all my friends who volunteered to be coached by me, when I didn’t know what I know now.

16 March 2013

Thanks for reading my blog. If you liked this page, you might like to check out my business website which has more content on leadership and learning.

www.kellowlearning.com

Who was that person?

‘Who was that person?’

Who did you meet recently who made you feel glad to be alive? Who made you laugh out loud? Who shared something with you that made you want to do more / learn more? Perhaps they shared an experience, an insight, a book or a film, or even a dream they had last night? Like the lady in the cheese shop who told me that she had dreamt she was cutting cheese. In her dream she could feel the texture of the cheese as she was cutting. "That's unusual", she said.

‘I just met a wonderful girl / guy…’

I’ve been meeting a lot of new people, recently. I can’t help noticing there are some people I am really glad to have met. They leave a warm impression. I think about them next day, and the day after. I tell my friends about them.  And there are others, who, though I spent time with them, I just didn’t meet.

Block Button Blues

The people I didn’t meet are ‘the blockers’. There are at least two types of blockers: conscious and unconscious. The conscious blockers don’t ask, or tell, because they don't need to. They know everything. The unconscious blockers are not aware that they could ask, but they do like to tell. Conscious blockers have their block button permanently set to 'On'. Unconscious blockers talk ‘at me’ about themselves, until I can find an excuse to move on. I prefer not to use the block button, if I can possibly avoid it.

It’s all about connecting

The reason why I am thinking about good and bad conversations, is that I am learning to be an executive coach. One of the things I have learned is that coaches don’t need tools and techniques. The key to being an effective coach is to focus on what is happening in the space between the coach and the coachee. Coaches have to be fully present, and be willing to disclose their thoughts and feelings, provided they do this in the service of their clients' learning. It’s all about connecting.

Marvellous meetings

Some of my best conversations recently have been with complete strangers: a very cool Jamaican grandfather, who I met with his daughter, and granddaughters, in the queue for David Hockney at the Royal Academy; a funny, original Turkish businesswoman on a flight from Istanbul to London; a straight-talking Scottish fundraiser in Oxford who, like me, loves St Andrews in Scotland. There was a kind of energy and openness between us that made the time pass quickly.    

Memorable meetings

You can’t expect to connect with everyone you meet, I hear you say. And yet, one of my beliefs is that it is important to be curious about the people around you. You never know who they are, what they do, or who they know. You don’t know what opportunities there might be for something new and good to come out of conversation with this person. You might learn something. You might be able to help each other in some way. Or you might just spend a few very pleasant moments in a queue, on a plane, or a train. And days, or months, or years later, find yourself remembering.

Is it good to be curious?

Look up at the stars

I’m curious about curiosity. I've noticed that when people talk about curiosity, I become curious. At the start of the London 2012 Paralympics, I was moved by Professor Stephen Hawking’s speech, when he urged us to be curious. “Look up at the stars, not down at your own feet. Try to make sense of what you see. Be curious.” Now I quote Stephen Hawking whenever I talk about leadership. Curiosity is an essential part of leadership. 

The ‘need to know’ rule

When I worked at the Ministry of Defence (MoD), there was a rule called ‘the need to know’. This meant you could only access information that you needed to do your job. There was a lot of secrecy. I took care not to ask too many questions about certain topics, in case someone should suspect I had an illegitimate interest. Confidentiality was so ingrained in the organisational culture that some people did not tell even their partners where they worked.

  

Incurious George

George Entwistle, the former Director General of the BBC, seems to have followed the ‘need to know’ rule. When told by a senior colleague that Newsnight were making a programme about Jimmy Savile that might affect the Christmas schedule, Entwistle did not ask what the programme was about. He assumed that if there were anything to worry about he would have been told. There is something admirable and trusting about Entwistle’s behaviour. No micro-managing for him. Entwistle told MPs that it would have been wrong for him to show "an undue interest".  It was not curiosity that killed his career, but lack of it.

‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’

The Americans had a rule that seemed like a curious twist on the British ‘need to know’. In 1993 President Clinton issued a defense directive that military applicants should not be asked about their sexual orientation. This became known as ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’. I don’t imagine for a minute that this stopped people showing an 'undue interest' in each others’ sexuality. President Obama abolished the ban on gays and lesbians serving openly in the military in 2012.

Striking a balance between curiosity and trust

As with all things, however, there is a balance to be struck. Curiosity can turn into 'undue interest'. Trusting that people will tell you what you need to know, however, is a kind of recklessness. What might we have missed at the MoD because someone with an idea or a relevant piece of information was deemed to be outside the ‘need to know’ category? Being curious helps us to make sense of what is happening in the world. Curiosity is part of what makes us human. 

Curiouser and curiouser

I like very much the episode in ‘Alice in Wonderland’, where Alice meets the Cheshire cat at a fork in the road.  “Which road should I take?”, Alice asks the cat.  “Where do you want to go?” asks the cat. When Alice says she does not know, the cat says, “Then it doesn’t matter”. We need to know where we want to go. Noticing what is happening around us is the first step towards developing our personal view of the world: both how it is, and how we would like it to be. Curiosity can often lead to new ideas, and a desire to change things for the better.

“I am Curious Yellow”

Am I curious enough? I’m probably not as curious as the heroine of the 1960s film “I am Curious Yellow”, who asks questions about everything. But I completely agree with Stephen Hawking that we need to look up at the stars, not down at our own feet.

Click here to watch the original trailer for "I am Curious Yellow" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVqa05chzT4