How to Survive Twelve Days of Networking: Tips for Reluctant Networkers

Now is the season of goodwill and networking opportunities

If your December diary is stuffed like a Christmas turkey, you have a choice to make. Either you can wrap tinsel round your ear, and get drunk with the crowd, or you can choose to network with purpose. I believe in the value of building, and looking after a strong professional network. Good networks are the gateway to opportunities to learn, grow and be happy. Need advice? Need a facilitator? Need a venue? You need a network.

When I talk about the importance of networking I hear the same objections.

I’m not good at networking

That is a cop-out. Everyone has charm, and everyone can network. To be honest, I am not always in the mood for networking, myself. Like the other night when a lady sat next to me at the theatre, and told me all about her interview with some magazine. “They loved me!” she said. Well, obviously, I was very happy for her, but that’s not networking. That’s broadcasting.

I don’t know what to say

You need to have an opening line. One of my friends swears by ‘I like your shoes’. I just say, ‘Where are you from?’ Then I relax, and listen. Don’t expect to make a good connection at every event. But when you do, make sure you drop them an email the next day. A follow-up email is the equivalent of a friendly wave and it means nothing. Don’t be pushy. At the same time, once you have their email, you can contact them again.

I don’t need to network

Yes, you do. In this hyper connected world everyone needs to be seen to network. For this reason you need an online presence, whether it is a LinkedIn profile, or some other site, so that people can check you exist. No-one exists today without an online profile.

What skills and knowledge are needed to be a good networker?

Good networkers have a genuine interest in other people, and are good listeners. Nelson Mandela knew how to make friends and influence people. One of the stories I read about him recently was how he won over some retired generals who were plotting a guerrilla war by making them all a nice cup of tea. Mandela won respect by giving it to others. Between now and Christmas, you can win over people by making sure they feel heard, and, possibly, making sure their glass is full of mulled wine.

Grey hair is no excuse for wearing a grey suit

Walking into a room full of men in grey suits still makes me uncomfortable, even though I am a grey haired man who sometimes wears a suit. Wear something that makes you stand out from the crowd, and look like you want to be in the room. Be decisive, go up to someone, and introduce yourself.

You have to work to make your network work for you

Here are some tips for how to engage and win people over:

1. Step out of your comfort zone. Talk to strangers, and resist the temptation to talk to the people you know.
2. Notice who is in the room and go and choose someone to interact with. People will not come and speak to you if you are standing hesitantly at the edge of the room.
3. Turn off your phone and put it away. If you need to hold something, get a drink. Even better, grab a bottle of wine and start to circulate.
4. Never make assumptions about the person standing next to you. You don’t know who they are, and you don’t know whom they know.
5. Take a lesson from Stephen Covey and listen empathetically. Give the people you meet a large dose of unconditional positive regard. Encourage them to tell you about themselves.
6. Then, and only then, you can reciprocate with a brief account of who you are, and what you do. Reciprocation, as Robert B Cialdini has taught us, is a weapon of influence.
7. Remember to smile. Flirting is good provided the person to whom you are speaking is not wearing a wedding ring.
8. Talk about what motivates or excites you. Passion and enthusiasm are infectious and engaging.
9. Follow through. 48 hours is the maximum time you can wait to send an email saying how much you enjoyed meeting someone. Even if you didn’t.
10. Keep your connections warm, if necessary using social networks like LinkedIn and Facebook. Tell people what you are doing, share relevant reports, and invite people to events.
11. People who are good at networking are successful because they are curious, and curiosity is the driver of innovation and creativity. The better your network, the easier it becomes to get things done.
12. Now is the season of office parties, talks and events. Put yourself about, go on the razzle. But network with purpose…

For more information about leadership and learning, please check out my new website www.kellowlearning.com

Making a website: The 'Deep Dive'

This is the second of two blogs about making a website to celebrate the launch of KellowLearning.com. The first blog is called ‘I made a website www.kellowlearning.com'

It took me more than six months to write the copy for my website KellowLearning.com. I don’t regret the time I spent because the act of writing about leadership and learning helped me to find out what I think. I also found out what I remember from the past two decades of working as a trainer, what I have learned, what I have achieved, what I care about most deeply, and what gives me joy. Writing about what I do, day after day, was a ‘deep dive’ into who I am, and what I do. And the benefit of the ‘deep dive’ is that I was able to make a far better website than I could ever have imagined. And, what’s more, I now know what to say when people ask me ‘what do you do?’.

Here is what I discovered, and how it has helped me to communicate what I do.

I wrote to find out what I think. How do I define leadership? What are the game-defining factors affecting sustainability leaders today?

The Benefit: Clients need to know that I know what I am talking about.

I wrote to find out what I do. What is my approach to learning and change, and what is special about what I do?

The Benefit: Clients need to know what I do, and why I am the right person to work with them / their organisation.

I wrote to find out what I remember. What do I still remember from two decades of delivering programme and projects? Why have some people and events stuck in my memory, and not others?

The Benefit: Identifying my most powerful learning experiences has helped me to connect with what I do well as a trainer, and to remind myself how I can re-create transformational learning experiences for others.

I wrote to find out what I have learned. What are my key learnings from designing and delivering training for different groups of people living and working in different contexts?

The Benefit: I can clearly describe my approach to training, facilitation and coaching, the principles I follow, and what informs the choices I make in the interest of helping people to have the best possible learning experience.

I wrote to find out what I have achieved. Recalling the people and the projects that I have worked on since the early 1990s, I became aware that the whole looks greater than the sum of the parts.

The Benefit: I am quietly proud of my achievements, and this gives me the confidence to be comfortable with risk and uncertainty. 

I wrote to find out what I care about most deeply. What are the most precious moments and experiences that I have shared with the people I have met, and why?

The Benefit: Telling stories about what I do, and why I do it, helps me to communicate what it is like to work with me.

I wrote to find out what makes me joyful How do I focus on what makes me healthy, happy, creative, and inspired? How can anyone working in a helping or enabling role if they do not look after themselves?

The Benefit: Paying attention to my physical and mental health helps me to be at my best when working with others.

I made a website www.kellowlearning.com

Thinking about KellowLearning.com

Quick Start or Deep Dive?

This is the first of two blogs about making a website to celebrate the launch of KellowLearning.com. This is the 'Quick Start' blog for people who want to get going now. The second blog, called ‘Making a website: “The Deep Dive”’, is more reflective, and describes how the act of writing helped me to find out what I wanted to say on my website.

It’s possible to build a website in a few weeks if you know what you want to say. It took me more than six months. What I wanted was a creative and engaging site that communicates what I do, how I do it and why I do it. I think KellowLearning.com does that.


Where to start?
Making a website is all about making choices. Begin by answering the questions that people asked me when I told them I was making a website:

What do you do?
Who is your audience?
What are you offering that is special or different?
How can you communicate who you are, what you do, how and why you do it?

Do the thinking

Test your ideas on your friends.
Get a good website builder.
Choose a template off the web. A good web builder can advise you on the best options.
Assuming you can’t afford a copywriter, you will need time to write web copy

Choose a name, logo, and colours for your website

Decide on a name for your business, a log and a strapline. You also need to choose the colour scheme. What kind of online environment do you want to create? Choose welcoming colours that will encourage your visitors to linger and browse

Do the research

Learn from other websites. Consider both content and design
What are your competitors saying, and how do they say it?
What pages and features do they have?
How many clicks does it take to get you to the page you want?

Map out the content

Having decided what you do and what you offer, create pathways with clear signposting that make it easy for your visitors to find what they want

Connect with your audience

Who do you want to work with? Corporates? Government? NGOs? How do you want to sound? What kind of language and examples will engage your target audience?

Make it personal

Tell inspiring stories about what you have done, how you did it, and what it means to you. Use images that reinforce your messages. Ask for recommendations from your clients to show that you really do what you say you do.

Review, review, review
Having put your heart and soul into describing what, how and why you do it, get an editor to help you order your content and put your brilliant copy into some kind of structure. You won’t notice what needs to be changed or improved until you read your copy online. Ask critical friends to review your website, and be prepared to ignore their advice. What matters is what feels right to you.