Ten golden rules for the new world leaders

1. Be an opportunist, think not of your country but what you can do for yourself.
2. Be outrageous and say things you know are not true. The more unbelievable the better.
3. Don’t have a long-term strategy. If you really must, don’t tell anyone about it. Someone might accuse you of changing your mind.
4. Run a negative campaign. Badmouth your enemies because the more you call them names the more the names will stick.
5. Don’t listen to anyone, especially experts. Reject advice from people who might actually have something useful to say or who may have your interests at heart.
6. Take huge risks and gamble with other people’s futures. Cheer up! It may never happen.
7. Don’t even think about plan B or C or D…nobody else does.
8. Have no regard for history. What could you possibly learn from history?
9. Blame your failures on other people.
10. Get a terrible haircut. It stops people noticing you have more than one face.

Inspired by a conversation with a fellow #remainer

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman go to a gastropub: what do they order and who will pay?

Can we trust business to build a sustainable future?

Last night I went to hear a panel discussion about the role of business in helping to build a more sustainable future. Judging by the number of people who left before the session was over, what the panel had to say just wasn’t that interesting. Even the promise of canapés and alcohol couldn’t keep bums on seats.

It’s the consumers who are to blame

Confirmation that the remaining audience were still breathing came when one of the speakers poked fun at consumer behaviour. When consumers are asked if they will pay more for green products, many say yes. In practice, they don’t. This got a laugh from the audience who may have been thinking about their own shopping behaviour.

Pass the parcel

But business does not want to pay more either! Investing in new infrastructure costs money, and business often looks to government to subsidise new technology. Or, as seems to be the case with the energy companies, they pass it on to the consumer. Or the government passes the cost on to consumers by means of a so-called ‘green levy’.

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman go to a sustainability bar

For some reason I thought about the infamous ‘Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman go into a bar’ type jokes. Supposing it was businessperson, a politician and a consumer who go to a sustainability bar? What would make them order a pint of sustainability, and who would pay? Would they ever run the risk of being seen in a sustainability bar together? 

So here goes, my very first sustainability joke.

‘A business person, a politician, and a consumer go for dinner in a gastropub. 
The waiter asks if they are ready to order. 

The business person won’t order because they want to see what other people are having first.
The politician says they can't stay for the whole meal because they are afraid what their constituents and the media will say.
The consumer ends up paying because they always do.
The restaurant owner would like to serve food from sustainable sources, but doesn't, because the customers just don't care.’

The joke isn’t funny anymore

OK. It’s not that funny. But currently there aren’t many laughs to be had if you care about a sustainable future for all.

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