Town or Country? Could you live in a small island community?

Caroline and Vic catching up on their holiday reading

"I'm so tired of the squalor and the grime of the city" Richard Rodney Bennett, 1978

I remember, in the 1980s, quite sensible people decided to leave London and move to Brighton, or the West Country. ‘To hell with London’ they said.  And having packed up, and shacked up, by the sea or in the woods, how they did go on about not missing London at all.

I stayed, because I could go to ‘Pizza on the Park’ to see jazz singers like Richard Rodney Bennett and Marion Montgomery. I once heard them do “Let’s go and live in the country”. It’s a comic duet written by Bennett about a couple who flirt with the idea of living in the country, and then rush back to the city, because they are allergic to hay, and know they couldn't cope if the roof started to leak. I used to agree with them.

Recently, however, I’ve been having thoughts about going to live by the sea, getting an Irish Terrier, and growing vegetables. A short holiday in the Western Isles of Scotland gave me a chance to weigh the pros and cons of staying put, or going for a complete life change. This is what I learned.

What are the gains of island life?

• The freshest, most gulpable air. In the spring, the island air is even sweeter with the scent of bluebells.
• Being part of a real community. They have a ceilidh when they think they need one, and anyone can join the dance. Children dance with their parents, and dogs are most welcome.
• Time goes further, spread over long days and short nights. I had to learn how to take my time. When I rushed to the only shop to buy a missing ingredient for supper, the locals gently reproached me. “People are a bit more relaxed here”.
• Spirit raising views. The sea and the hills change colour with the light and the weather. Watching Rum from Eigg is like being at a Son et Lumiere show, powered by nature. The best thing about Eigg is the view of Rum, according to the people who live on Rum. But they would say that, wouldn’t they?

What do islanders give up?

• Globalisation, things like the energy crisis. Eigg produces more electricity than the residents can use
• Commuting to work; it doesn’t happen
• Any desire for national or international news. It’s irrelevant
• Having to remember to take your keys with you. No-one bothers to lock their door
• Consumerism, though the village shops are well stocked, and Amazon does good business
• Traffic, except when people are arriving or departing on the ferry
• Noise, except birdsong and – I suspect – the sound of raindrops and howling gales.

What is the person specification for an islander?

Ability to have many jobs, or none

Islanders have multiple identities, and many hold down different jobs. The Harbour Master, without whom the boat cannot arrive or depart, also drives the electric buggy, mends the road, and tends the trees. The lady who cooked you a splendid dinner, also runs the bakery. Your dance partner at the ceilidh, pops up in the tea shop to serve you coffee and cakes, and later arrives to prepare your accommodation for the next group. Everybody else is unemployed, or has no obvious responsibilities.

Tolerance

You are unlikely to take to island life unless you can learn to tolerate midges, tourists, alcohol, unpredictable weather, and things left where they were last used or needed e.g. tractors, baths, bits of machinery.

Other skills, knowledge and attitudes that will serve you well on a Scottish Island are:

• Being outdoorsy, and good with your hands
• Knowing how to chop wood, light a fire
• Ability to bake a cake
• Ability to take a car engine to pieces and reassemble it
• Ability to get on with wide range of people
• Stamina to help you party all of the night, and into the next day
• For men, a beard is almost essential.

After a week exploring the Western Isles of Scotland, beautiful as it was, I think I will stay in the city, and holiday in the country. I am allergic to hay, and if the roof began to leak, I would definitely need a man with a beard. 

Thanks to everyone living in the small isles who made us feel welcome.

Song: ‘Let’s go and live in the country’1978, Richard Rodney Bennett

8 June 2013

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Who was that person?

‘Who was that person?’

Who did you meet recently who made you feel glad to be alive? Who made you laugh out loud? Who shared something with you that made you want to do more / learn more? Perhaps they shared an experience, an insight, a book or a film, or even a dream they had last night? Like the lady in the cheese shop who told me that she had dreamt she was cutting cheese. In her dream she could feel the texture of the cheese as she was cutting. "That's unusual", she said.

‘I just met a wonderful girl / guy…’

I’ve been meeting a lot of new people, recently. I can’t help noticing there are some people I am really glad to have met. They leave a warm impression. I think about them next day, and the day after. I tell my friends about them.  And there are others, who, though I spent time with them, I just didn’t meet.

Block Button Blues

The people I didn’t meet are ‘the blockers’. There are at least two types of blockers: conscious and unconscious. The conscious blockers don’t ask, or tell, because they don't need to. They know everything. The unconscious blockers are not aware that they could ask, but they do like to tell. Conscious blockers have their block button permanently set to 'On'. Unconscious blockers talk ‘at me’ about themselves, until I can find an excuse to move on. I prefer not to use the block button, if I can possibly avoid it.

It’s all about connecting

The reason why I am thinking about good and bad conversations, is that I am learning to be an executive coach. One of the things I have learned is that coaches don’t need tools and techniques. The key to being an effective coach is to focus on what is happening in the space between the coach and the coachee. Coaches have to be fully present, and be willing to disclose their thoughts and feelings, provided they do this in the service of their clients' learning. It’s all about connecting.

Marvellous meetings

Some of my best conversations recently have been with complete strangers: a very cool Jamaican grandfather, who I met with his daughter, and granddaughters, in the queue for David Hockney at the Royal Academy; a funny, original Turkish businesswoman on a flight from Istanbul to London; a straight-talking Scottish fundraiser in Oxford who, like me, loves St Andrews in Scotland. There was a kind of energy and openness between us that made the time pass quickly.    

Memorable meetings

You can’t expect to connect with everyone you meet, I hear you say. And yet, one of my beliefs is that it is important to be curious about the people around you. You never know who they are, what they do, or who they know. You don’t know what opportunities there might be for something new and good to come out of conversation with this person. You might learn something. You might be able to help each other in some way. Or you might just spend a few very pleasant moments in a queue, on a plane, or a train. And days, or months, or years later, find yourself remembering.

Writing proposals: make it easy on yourself II

Part Two

What do you need to write a proposal the easy way?

Start with your objectives: It’s easy to write the paragraph about your organisation and what it does. This is the equivalent of picking the chocolate chips off the cookie. What you need to do first is write the aims and objectives. This will give you a framework for your proposal and some boundaries. If something is not covered by your objectives, don’t waste space writing about it. Or review your objectives if you think they do not cover what you want to achieve. Then describe what you are going to do, how you are going to do it, and what the impact will be. When you have done all that you will be able to write an elegant proposal summary that will knock the assessors’ socks off.

Ask for feedback Ask your colleagues (Nina in my case), to read what you have written and to edit what you have written. Unless you have a particular reason for writing something in a particular way, accept the changes immediately. Nina looked surprised when I said I liked her changes to my text. Note to self: I must work harder at listening to feedback.

Lay in provisions: Just before we started to write Nina asked me if I would like anything to eat. She brought me a tasty box of baklava. ‘Honey is good for energy’, said Nina, and she was right.

Be realistic:  At 10.00 pm I said to Nina “Please read what I have written so far. If you really don’t like it, let’s give up now and have a beer”. Nina said she liked it. We decided to give it another two hours. Supposing Nina had not liked what I had written then I think I hope I would have had the good sense to say let’s stop because we don’t have time to make it better. Martyrdom when writing proposals is not required.

Take breaks: After a while Nina’s eyes hurt and my back ached. We got up, walked around. I made a cup of tea, Nina had a smoke. Each to her/his own.

Stay focused: Decide the order of the tasks and keep going. When I was worrying about not having the specified number of words for a section, Nina said wisely: “Better to have quality than padding”.

Tell each other what you enjoyed

At close to midnight Nina and were alive and fully functioning. I could not believe the energy we had created just by collaborating on something we both cared about. We told each other how much we had enjoyed working together. We sent each other e-mails congratulating ourselves on our achievement. We swopped texts till the early morning.

Can you fall in love with someone while writing a proposal in an office late at night? I bet it happens all the time...They should make a film about that, maybe Brad Pitt and Angela Jolie could play the hero and heroine...